So what was the first big event to cause a shift? I have two greatest fears in life (a side from being bit by a snake) and they are that my husband has an affair and that I would have breast cancer. I was the grand prize winner and received both! Lets talk about the affair first. This isn't a need to discuss what a jerk he was or slam on him in anyway because I have come to realize that he is human and his emotional needs are very real and important to him. I am not by any means excusing what he did but I am saying I have come to deal with it and now I am using it to reflect on how it changed me for both the good and the bad. At first it was like someone had ripped me open, I couldn't breathe. The strangest part of all was needing to be held and wanting so badly to close my eyes and have it all just disappear. The hardest part is you have this heart stopping pain you are trying to deal with but you have to act like all is well because you have children and friends that you need to go on for. Now add to that, I tend to take things harder then most people. (I cried for days when Steve Irwin died and Princess Dianna) It was a really hard few weeks. I think the hardest thing to get over and finally come to understand was that there wasn't something wrong with me. I spent hours going over all the information, wanting more trying to piece together where I went wrong and dying when he would give me reasons that cut at the very heart of who I thought I had been all this time. It was a nightmare. Worse yet was the thought that this was not something I had ever envisioned on dealing with and I had no idea where to start..... So basically totally chaos underneath but to everyone else I am dealing with it fine..... and then two months after finding out about the affair.... the doctor comes in to tell me I have breast cancer......