Breast Cancer.... anything that has the word Cancer in it is awful. To have your Doctor come in and sit down across from you... you know somethings wrong. I can picture the room. I was sitting in the chair because I didn't want to be in the darn hospital bed anymore. Dr. Tucker is a very fun Doctor, he reminds me of a rock singer, but I could tell something heavy was coming. He put his hand on my knee and said, "darlin you have breast cancer." I couldn't breathe again... surely he had it wrong, did he just say breast cancer? I smiled and was very still but inside I was screaming, Hell NO! I can't have breast cancer, I can't! He went over some important stuff and then he left and I sat there silent tears rolling down my face trying to go through how he was going to come back in and tell me it was a mistake any minute. I wasn't alone, Troy was there but because of the timing with everything else that was going on I felt like I was in Siberia. Not a soul around. I then realized I was going to have tell my Mom and Dad and that was just as horrible to me as the diagnosis. How do you call and tell your parents you have cancer? Parents that already have a son who has dealt with ms most of his life. Parents that love you as much as you love your children so you know what this phone call is going to do to them.
Not a fun phone call. So much emotion to process, so many things to deal with.... Yes I think these to major events caused a shift that I want to explore and understand.